Debra Roberts, LCSW is a conversation expert and creator of the Relationship Protocol who helps savvy business people navigate important conversations.
Debra Roberts, LCSW, is a conversation expert, and creator of The Relationship Protocol communication model. Her proprietary and practical approach to communication revolutionizes how professionals work together; it is at the core of The Communication Protocol, an online professional development program for companies and teams. Debra examines existing communication patterns and teaches essential tools for communicating effectively in the workplace and in personal relationships. As a result, organizations experience increased productivity, collaboration, engagement, and overall satisfaction. Her comprehensive approach also provides participants with the skills they need to defuse conflicts and create stronger, more positive relationships in all areas of their lives.
With a background as an EMDR-certified trauma consultant and licensed clinical social worker, Debra has many years and a wide range of experience extending to all types of challenging relationships in the home and workplace. Featured as an expert on multiple media platforms, including The New York Times, The Cut, and Well+ Good, Debra is an award-winning author, a columnist with Inc.com, and an occasional contributor to Business Insider.
In her personal life, she enjoys spending time with her family and friends, playing tennis, and empowering people through kindness and simple communication tools.
What is The Relationship Protocol all about?
The Relationship Protocol® improves interpersonal communication by teaching individuals practical, proven, and actionable communication tools that they can use in their personal and professional lives. Our clients learn how to quickly transform their communication skills and connect with the important people in their lives. As a result, they see an immediate improvement in their relationships at home and work. Those improved relationships make for a happy home and a healthier and more productive workplace.
Here’s why it’s important: When there’s a breakdown in communication, people usually disconnect from each other and stop listening to one another. If you don’t know how to recover, the conversation can quickly fall apart. And if you avoid important or challenging conversations, you’re not only bottling up your opinions and feelings, but you’re enabling the situation to get worse. These communication struggles can impact a person’s confidence and, on a larger scale, the company’s morale, culture, and bottom line. At The Relationship Protocol, we seek to change the world one conversation at a time.
Tell us a little bit about your background and how you started your company?
I’m Debra Roberts, LCSW, an author, conversation expert, trauma consultant, and developer of The Relationship Protocol® communication model. I started my career as a licensed clinical social worker and became an EMDR-certified trauma consultant. For several years, I worked with nonprofit organizations in youth development, legal services, and mental health. I also worked for a national health organization, and then I started a private practice.
I’ve worked with people to improve their relationships for more than 20 years. I’ve counseled individuals and couples and consulted with family businesses, educational institutions, and corporate entities. I developed The Relationship Protocol® communication model through my work, which taught me that communication shapes our relationships and impacts the quality of every aspect of our lives. But most people never saw positive communication skills modeled for them in their families or school, and good communication skills are not part of most curricula.
My approach teaches the fundamentals of how to be an effective communicator, which requires us to be vulnerable, honest, and real. I help people learn how to resolve conflicts, build trust, and have meaningful relationships and more productive conversations at work and home. The Relationship Protocol communication model gives everyone the opportunity to say what they need to say and feel heard. It creates a sense of community, connection, and belonging.
I’ve watched my clients — individuals, couples, families, and multinational corporations — apply these practical and life-changing skills again and again. I’ve seen their lives, relationships, and businesses improve as they come to realize that everyone deserves to feel heard.
What are your plans for the future, how do you plan to grow this company?
We recently launched The Communication Protocol™, an online professional development program for companies and teams. Everything we do is based on extensive field testing and research. We beta-tested this program for about a year to make sure our practical approach to communication translated well to an online course. We knew we were giving our clients the skills they needed to defuse conflicts and create stronger, more positive relationships, but we didn’t fully understand the bigger impact the program would have on these companies.
Those in the beta test reported increased productivity, collaboration, engagement, and overall job satisfaction. One of our clients, a media company, shared that they used to have frequent disagreements amongst team members during staff meetings. Everyone dreaded going to a staff meeting, and no one was sure how to diffuse the disagreements and move forward productively. They decided to use the skills they learned in our course and were able to resolve their differences and move forward. Today their staff meetings are productive and enjoyable. They still have disagreements, but now they make sure everyone is heard and have adopted communication rules that help them handle those differences productively.
The Communication Protocol™ program is transformational, both for our clients and for my company. We now have a version for the workplace and for individuals who want to improve their personal relationships. These courses expand our reach so we can help more businesses and individuals become better communicators. It’s exciting when you create a wonderful product that can scale and be sustainable.
How do you separate yourself from your competitors?
When you teach people how to have the conversations they want and need to have, express themselves with ease, and feel confident and equipped to deal with conflicts, you are changing lives. That is what my company does.
I don’t believe any other company offers a comprehensive and universal communication model that can be used in both business and personal settings. We give you the how-to’s: practical tools to help you engage in the conversation, whether it be the words you can use or a helpful approach.
I have extensive experience as a clinician, trauma consultant, business consultant, and relationship expert. My work grew out of my professional field experience. The Relationship Protocol® communication model is a proven approach, not a cookie-cutter method. It is based on a genuine understanding of how we connect as people, regardless of the relationship and the setting, build immediate trust, resolve differences, and have more meaningful relationships.
What were the top three mistakes you made starting your business, and what did you learn from them?
Early on, I spent a lot of money on programs and software that I didn’t need. Usually, they were recommended by other people who didn’t fully understand what I was trying to accomplish. By the time I realized I didn’t need them, it was too late to get a refund. That was frustrating, but it taught me to do my due diligence and check in with myself before making a purchase. Does this do what I need it to do? Did this person take the time to understand my goals and my business model? Is this the right next step for me and my business?
Another mistake I made was thinking that everything would fall into place relatively quickly. I had no idea how to build an audience and didn’t realize that I needed an online platform or presence. Everything about online marketing and the importance of having a web presence was new. I was naive in planning how the business would grow.
Finally, I thought The Relationship Protocol could go out into the world on its own. I didn’t realize that I not only had to be a part of it but that I had to be front and center. That was not my plan. I’m much more comfortable in the background. It took some time to get used to it, but I’ve realized that my business isn’t about me. It’s about helping people become better communicators. It’s about making a difference.
Tell us a little bit about your marketing process, what has been the most successful form of marketing for you?
Our marketing process consists of seven elements:
- Public Speaking – This is one of the best ways for individuals and companies to sample the simplicity and power of this work. It also allows me to connect directly with my audience.
- Referrals – We get referrals from people who have gone through our program or attended a talk. We also get referrals from our colleagues and partners.
- Networking – We are firm believers in consistent grass-roots marketing.
- Public Relations – Getting interviewed on podcasts and getting quoted as an expert in your field builds credibility and your audience. I was featured in the New York Times and several other reputable publications because I pitched editors and was available for interviews from journalists. I suggest signing up for HARO, (Help A Reporter Out) to find writers that are looking for experts.
- Publishing – My book was a huge credibility booster and helped me secure several speaking engagements. I also published articles in a few national media publications. I encourage you to pitch articles to editors on topics that show your expertise and talent. All of the work I put into PR led to writing a regular column on Inc.com. These opportunities felt impossible when I first started, but they’ve been huge visibility boosters for me and my business.
- Downloadable Resources – Having a website that reflects who you are and how you can help people achieve their desired outcome is a win-win. Offering a free download builds your audience and allows them to get to know you and your work.
- Robust Online Presence – So much of what we do online costs us nothing but time. If you consistently show up adding value to your audience and being helpful, people will follow you, want to know you, and ultimately work with you.
What have been your biggest challenges and how did you overcome them?
My biggest challenge has been getting out of my own way and stepping out of my comfort zone to lead this business in a more public and visible way. I’m a private person, and initially, I was extremely uncomfortable with the exposure on social media platforms and the public side of the business in general. One day I realized how positively people and companies were responding to my work. At that moment, I knew I needed to work through my fears and resistance because they were interfering with the success of my company. That’s when I started to focus on expanding our reach and helping more people. In truth, that’s the moment when this work became mission-driven, and everything changed!
What are the top 3 online tools and resources you’re currently using to grow your company?
- Asana is a project management application that keeps everything and everyone organized.
- Kajabi is a business platform that houses our website and online courses.
- Active Campaign is a robust email marketing and customer relationship management tool that can grow along with us.
If you only had $1000 dollars to start a new business, knowing everything you know now, how would you spend it?
If I were starting a new business with $1,000 to spend, I would invest in a group coaching program. Working with an expert who understands your industry and teaches you how to build a successful, value-driven business is invaluable. And if it’s a group program, you will meet other motivated entrepreneurs who are also building their businesses.
Starting a business can be a lonely road, but group programs give you the tools you need while helping you to stay connected and giving you a place to vent your concerns. They are also a great way to meet others, learn from them, and network with like-minded business owners. Networking and forming meaningful relationships will always benefit you. I’ve met some incredible people through group mentoring programs. Many of them have become friends and colleagues, and we still support one another by lending an ear or making an important introduction.
What helps you stay driven and motivated to keep going in your business?
I am always looking to serve others and provide value. (I guess it’s my social worker roots!) When I know my work is making a difference in people’s lives, it keeps me motivated and drives me to continue to grow. I see my clients become better communicators and build stronger relationships every day. It never gets old.
What is your favorite quote?
You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
– Dr. Martin Luther King
I love this quote because it speaks to taking a leap of faith and starting by taking one step.
Many times, we’re hesitant to get started because the path ahead seems overwhelming. (I know that happens to me.) Dr. King suggests taking it one step at a time. In a way, that’s what I teach my clients as well. I break down what seems like complicated concepts around conflicts and relationships into bite-sized actionable and practical steps. Everything is more manageable when we pause and make an intentional plan to proceed one small step at a time.
It’s easy to stay stuck, but consistent small bites are what make the difference in growing a business and building your confidence.
What valuable advice would you give new entrepreneurs starting out?
I have a couple of pieces of advice for new entrepreneurs. First, build your business on something you enjoy or are passionate about. Things don’t always go as planned, and there will be times when you want to quit. If you love what you do and your work is truly meaningful, you’ll be more likely to stick with it!
Second, take the time to get to know yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses as a leader and business owner. And then make a plan to build on your strengths and reduce the impact of your weaknesses. You can address some of your weaknesses by bringing on someone whose strengths are different from your own. For example, if you are not very good at bookkeeping, you can hire a bookkeeper. But sometimes, you’ll have to roll up your sleeves, lean into the discomfort, and turn that weakness into a strength. That’s where courses and coaching programs can help. I needed to learn how to build an online presence and be more comfortable in the spotlight. Many new entrepreneurs need to build those same skills, and most of us need to become more effective communicators.
How can readers get in touch with you?
To learn more about me and my work, visit my website therelationshipprotocol.com. I am also on Instagram and Facebook, and I’m happy to connect on LinkedIn. Finally, I am a regular columnist for Inc.com, so you can also read one of my articles and learn more about me there.
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